Quite possibly the greatest karmic lesson of this lifetime for me is to fight for myself. I have to admit, I have been HORRIBLE at this for forty-six years. Part of that stems from the fact that back to my earliest incarnations I can remember, even to the age of Gemini, I was consumed with a savior complex.
Throughout many lifetimes, I associated love with the idea of self-sacrifice. This has led to repetitive cycles of incarnations marked by self-neglect behind the false idea that laying my life down for my friends was the key to receiving love. It was hard for me to say “No!”, because I perceived that always saying “Yes” would ensure that people would love me.
Not only did this subtle form of self-deprivation not earn me the love of the people I was dying for, it alienated, to a degree, the people who have been freely loving me all these thousands of years. People who love you eventually get tired of you taking up a cross for people who continue to spit in your face, and whip you on the back. Eventually those who love you get tired of watching you lay down your life, even if you do take it back up after three days.
In this lifetime, I have finally been restored to the people who have demonstrated to me throughout every lifetime that I AM worth fighting for. These people get angry, both with me and for me, because of my willingness to so often be taken advantage of. They fuss at me for repeating the same cycles over and over because they recognize the lesson I must master in this now.
Honestly, this is probably the main reason my mother and I don’t really have a relationship now. She’s been trying to protect me from my own savior complex. I guess it’s just as hard for her to watch her only child nailed to a cross by people he only desired to save, heal, and deliver as it was for Mary to see Jesus hanging on Golgotha wearing a crown of thorns.
I have bought shoes for women who came to me under the guise of love, only to turn around and witness them give them to friends as if they had bought them. I have fed people who turned their backs on me because I evolved past the frequency of their beliefs. I have made loans to close family members who, when I needed to be repaid to secure medical necessities, told me to get it off the water tower. I have done people’s school work over the years enabling them to get their college degrees either for free, or for mere pennies on the dollar, and received not even as much as a shout out at graduation. I have practically built legacies for pastors without compensation. I have done work on projects that brought substantial income to people, yet didn’t receive a dime myself. I have provided extensive metaphysical services to people on a promise to pay, and was either left hanging or ended up just forgiving the debt.
I lived almost 20% of this incarnation before I finally was able to recognize how much Dominique/$unny/O’Shün/Tsipporah/Yechezqel had been trying to show me throughout over twenty lifetimes that I AM worth fighting for. Then to also have my Twin Sister, Liam, my beloved nephew, Shahil, my sister Karla, and my daughter Brittney also reminding me I AM worth fighting for has brought me to this place under the Lion’s Gate Portal in this universal 3 year, where I embrace the shift into my glorious ascension where I AM henceforth the lion, and no longer the lamb.